The Narcissist’s Prayer
That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Purpose
This page explains the mechanics of the prayer which relies on the dark tools.
That didn't happen . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 - Negate
And if it did, it wasn't that bad. . . . . 2 - Minimize
And if it was, that's not a big deal . . . 3 - Project
And if it is, that's not my fault. . . . . 4 - Normalize
And if it was, I didn't mean it. . . . . . 5 - Redirect
And if I did, you deserved it. . . . . . . 6 - DARVO
1. That Didn’t Happen - Negate
Denying Reality.
A: You stepped on my foot.
B: I didn’t.
2. And if it did, It Wasn’t That Bad - Minimize
Downplaying Harm.
A: No, you stepped on my foot.
B: It looks fine.
3. And if it was, That’s Not a Big Deal - Project
Telling someone how to feel.
A: Um … it does hurt, it hurts a lot.
B: Calm down.
4. And if it is, That’s Not My Fault - Normalize
Telling someone how to think.
A: B, this really hurts!
B: Shit happens.
5. And if it was, I Didn’t Mean It - Redirect
Moving the goalposts.
A: It seems like it was an accident. Aren’t you sorry?
B: I didn’t intend to step on you.
6. And if I did, You Deserved It - DARVO
Becoming the victim.
A: What? You stepped on me, say you are sorry.
B: You’re interrogating me after I already said I didn’t mean it. Stop.
References
Dr. Ramani - YouTubeDr. Ramani - Narcissistic relationships and the trap of the “almost win”
Dr. Ramani - What does it mean when a narcissist says “I love you”?
Harvard Health - The Art of a Heartfelt Apology
v2.3 12-Dec-2025
This work is dedicated to the Public Domain via CC0 1.0