20m unplanned in the rain practice
It was raining and I could hear the rain calling to me, “come outside,” over and over again. Valerie noticed and said “we need to go outside.”
She shared that she’d been waiting for a proper downpour, and it felt like it was for both of us. I wanted to purify. I had been trying to solve the problem of self for days it seems, it’s a puzzle without a solution.
I blessed the rain then set out a cup to collect rainwater. I had intentioned to get wet but forget about the getting wet part, I just wanted rainwater. I sense the aversion and go “No” and transmute the would be tension directly into joy.
I start to let go, integrating Doug Kraft’s instructions about how to enter nibbana, I have most of the rest of the experiences down, I get the stream, I get the compassion, I get emptiness, I get the wisdom eye. It's exactly as described, I have a bunch of car parts, but no car. Why not try and build the car?
I start to 6R, everything. The edges, the periphery, I start to 6R the center, and the observer.
I start to 6R, everything. The edges, the periphery, I start to 6R the center, and the observer.
I feel the center shift and come unstuck and it’s able to move around. OK.
I get scared and I sense I need to let go of the “getting scared process” so I find and 6R that.
I feel this urge to be the sensations vs observe them, seems like more ease.
It feels like a flower opening learning that everything is fundamentally the same and safe.
As I’m on this quest I get a thought like “how do I balance the enlightenment factors?” and I stopped and just trusted my intuition to balance them for me.
Then I laughed; understanding the problem, I unasked the question. It feels like falling through a void.
This next part feels like a EULA, with knowings popping up:
`“Do you want to trade your agency for the universe’s intuition (Y/N?)”`
”Getting rid of ill-will means loving other people unconditionally, do you accept (Y/N)?”
”Getting rid of sense-desire means accepting sensations unconditionally, do you accept (Y/N)?”
"Do you understand how no concept (including self) will ever be able to define anything, ever again (Y/N)?"
"Do you understand how no concept (including self) will ever be able to define anything, ever again (Y/N)?"
I have a few seizures basically integrating these insights at a low-level, stopping and restarting reality to run the new code. I dropped a ton of weight.
We’ll see how it goes :)