I’ve been thinking about … instead of trying for high-end experiences, why don’t I just raise the water level, permanently. Like, what can I do, to forever lock out some kinds of negative experiences?
I have persistent tension in my genital region, so this session I set out to … figure out what was going on there.
That took a while, but I started directing mantras at it.
May I love and accept my body.
May I love and accept my sensations.
Eventually it dissolved, I was holding an unbelievable amount of tension there.
At some point, I realized I was … waiting for the meditation to be over, so I felt … if the hindrances are my friends, why don’t I just make Metta lines for each and every aversion that comes up?
May I love and accept the time it takes to meditate.
May I love and accept this itch.
May I love and accept my posture.
At some point, I realized I stepped into the brahmavihara of Metta, completely, for the first time, where everything in my sensate field was … wrapped in unconditional universal love.
And I started weeping.
May I love and accept myself unconditionally.
May I love and accept others unconditionally.
May I love and accept the present moment unconditionally.
As experiences came up I started to just … wrap them in love.
May I accept my fear with love.
May I accept my anger with love.
May I accept my ill-will with love.
May I love and accept my anxiety.
Then I started finding small things:
May I let go of judgement.
May I let go of ill-will.
May I embrace my own failures.
May I embrace the failures of others.
May I embrace my own mistakes.
May I embrace the mistakes of others.
May I understand others are on their own journey.
May I not seek to control everything.
It didn’t feel like thinking, the lines came from the beyond, as I touched each one, I could feel parts of identity melting. I could feel each thing I had held as me being let go of.
The field really opened up, and there wasn’t anything in the center anymore. I dropped a ton of weight I don’t think I’ll pick up again.
This feels and seems like a big deal.