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Mr Umbi Talks about Awareness and Conditioning

Examples of Meditations on the Body (Lungs, Head Hair, Fat, Skin) for those with C-PTSD

Alternative Title: Remixing Patikulamanasikara

Patikulamanasikara practice for neurotypicals is intended to reduce lust and desire. In my case as a neuroatypical I spend a fair amount of time de-realized, and de-personalized (see also C-PTSD).

The below is a record of some 10 minute meditations on various objects.

10m - Mindfulness of Lungs (papphāsaṃsati)

Really happy to have these, it feels like each breath is joy. At a certain point, the joy broke and became raw equanimity. Had visions of how intimate we are to interact with the air directly, impulses towards nature and taking care of the air. Felt the lungs as vibrations. Hard to separate from Anapanasati (Mindfulness of Breathing) kept coming back to the lungs as a discrete entity.

10m - Mindfulness of Fat (medosati)

I struggle with ARFID, I ended up doing a few mantras to encourage some weight gain

May I gain weight
May I gain fat
May I not be nauseous when I eat.

… and a few others. 

10m - Mindfulness of Head Hair (kesāsati)

I’m in the queer community and one of the few people without colored hair. It’s one way we signal to others we are safe to talk to. I think I’m going to dye my hair dark blue. I also realized I need to get on a regular schedule again with washing my hair and in general taking better care of it.

10m - Mindfulness of Skin (tacosati)

I suffer from acne, and dandruff. I need to see a dermatologist, and get more regular with skincare. I’ll buy a few products and be more gentle with myself regarding how I view my own skin and expectations of it. Realized part of the problem with me being in 3rd person, vs 1st person (hyper-vigilance) is I don’t map myself to being “in my skin” but “above or outside it”. I’ll do more sensation play to move my mental map. Drinking more water would also help.