When to Ban Someone

Maybe you are running a sangha and need to know where the line is to ban a member.

The Buddha gave this advice in a Sutta called Trash.

The short reason is: some bad barley spoils the bunch.

At one time the Buddha was staying near Campā on the banks of the Gaggarā Lotus Pond. Now at that time the mendicants accused a mendicant of an offense. The accused mendicant dodged the issue, distracted the discussion with irrelevant points, and displayed annoyance, hate, and bitterness.

Then the Buddha said to the mendicants, “Mendicants, throw this person out! Throw this person out! This person should be shown the door. Why should you be vexed by an outsider?

Take a case where a certain person looks just the same as other good-natured mendicants when going out and coming back, when looking ahead and aside, when bending and extending the limbs, and when bearing the outer robe, bowl and robes. That is, so long as the mendicants don’t notice his offense. But when the mendicants notice the offense, they know that he’s a corrupt ascetic, just useless trash. When they realize this they send him away. Why is that? So that he doesn’t corrupt good-natured mendicants.

Suppose in a growing field of barley some bad barley appeared, just useless trash. Its roots, stem, and leaves would look just the same as the healthy barley. That is, so long as the head doesn’t appear. But when the head appears, they know that it’s bad barley, just useless trash. When they realize this they pull it up by the roots and throw it outside the field. Why is that? So that it doesn’t spoil the good barley.

In the same way, take a case where a certain person looks just the same as other good-natured mendicants when going out and coming back, when looking ahead and aside, when bending and extending the limbs, and when bearing the outer robe, bowl and robes. That is, so long as the mendicants don’t notice his offense. But when the mendicants notice the offense, they know that he’s a corrupt ascetic, just useless trash. When they realize this they send him away. Why is that? So that he doesn’t corrupt good-natured mendicants.

This goes on for some ways.

I originally read it in this book
The Buddha’s Teachings on Social and Communal Harmony - Edited and introduced by Bhikkhu Bodhi

v1.0 - Last edit 8-July-2024
This is work dedicated to the Public Domain via CC0 1.0

People Who Should be Avoided

The Buddha gave this advice in a Sutta called Offensive.

AN 3.27 - Offensive

Looked on with Disgust and Avoided

Unethical, bad qualities, filthy
Underhanded, not an ascetic or spiritual practitioner (claims to be one – rotten and depraved)
Following this person you can get a bad reputation

Looked on with Equanimity and Avoided

Irritable and bad-tempered
Light criticism results in them blowing up
Displays annoyance, hatred, and bitterness
There is a risk this person could harm you, physically or mentally

I originally read it in this book, on page 55.
The Buddha’s Teachings on Social and Communal Harmony - Edited and introduced by Bhikkhu Bodhi

v1.0 - Last edit 14-November-2021
© 2021. This work is licensed under CC BY 4.0 (share and remix)

Outcasts and Lowlifes

The Buddha was big on discernment. When someone asked him what makes someone an Outcast/Lowlife he gave a pretty detailed answer. I’ve condensed it from the Sutta:

Sn 1.7 - The Lowlife

Harms living creatures and has no kindness for creatures
Irritable, hostile, wicked, offensive, deceitful, deficient in view
Destroys Villages, Cities
Thieves & Muggers
Lying to someone about owing a debt
Lying to others to create wealth
Making up stories about stuff that didn’t happen.
Trying to sleep with others committed sexual partners
Not taking care of parents in old age
Abusing family verbally or physically
Asked what is good, teaches what is actually bad.
Gives advice with a hidden agenda.
Hides bad deeds from others.
Eats at another’s place, doesn’t return the favor.
Lies to religious people (monks, nuns, nobles).
Abuses or doesn’t share food with religious people (monks, nuns, nobles).
Extols themselves and disparages others.
Bullies
Wealth hoarders
Oppressors
Insults the Buddha or the Buddha’s disciples.
Claims to be perfected – but isn’t (this is considered the lowest)

Someone isn’t permanently an Outcast/Lowlife, but while doing these things, they can fall into this category.

I originally read it in this book
The Buddha’s Teachings on Social and Communal Harmony - Edited and introduced by Bhikkhu Bodhi

v1.0 - Last edit 14-November-2021
© 2021. This work is licensed under CC BY 4.0 (share and remix)

Things To Renounce

I view these as practice targets, things to renounce via the middle path.

This is based on the following Sutta. I added some links to Merriam Webster (I didn’t know what some of these words meant myself).

From MN3: Heirs in the Teaching

v1.0 - Last edit 13-Nov-2021
© 2021. This work is licensed under CC BY 4.0 (share and remix)

RO-DBT

Dr. Jennifer May’s YouTube Playlist
A whole DBT course taught by a PhD, you can watch at your own pace. Watch multiple times for best effect.

v1. 21-Oct-2021

States of Peace

I have a subscription to the OED. A lot of these are based on that source.

These are words found on the NVC feelings wheel under “Peaceful”.

Peaceful: Not employing force or violence. An alternative solution to a problem where force, violence and war is the more obvious means; friendly; pleasant; favorable; benign; amicable, affable.

Calm: Free from agitation or disturbance: still, quiet, tranquility.

Content: Full inward satisfaction – not disturbed for desire by anything more.

Satisfied: met, answered, fully supplied.

Comfortable: A state of tranquil enjoyment and content; free from pain and trouble – ease

Relaxed: free from tension, anxiety, stress.

Serene: Calm mixed with cheer and radiance.

Calm: Free from agitation or disturbance; quiet, still, tranquil, serene; without wind, not stormy.

Tranquil: Free from agitation or disturbance; calm, serene, placid, quiet, peaceful.

Quiet: absence of commotion or bustle, free from discord or strife, free from noise or uproar.

Centered: Serene + Inner Peace and/or Harmon – emotionally well balanced

Harmony: Internal parts and stories are united in opinion, unanimous and free from discord or dissent

Congruous: A feeling something is reasonable, becoming, fitting, suitable or appropriate to who you are.

Balanced: Emotional Equilibrium – Opposing parts are in equality.

Affect Neurobiology

The short list of affects, or large emotions, based on brain states:

SEEKING/Expectancy

RAGE/Anger

FEAR/Anxiety

LUST/Sexuality

CARE/Nurturance

PANIC/Separation

PLAY/Joy

Courtesy of Jaak Panksepp

Things That Aren't Empathy

From the book Non-Violent Communication

My friend Holley Humphrey identified some common behaviors that
prevent us from being sufficiently present to connect empathically
with others. The following are examples:

Advising: “I think you should … ” “How come you didn’t … ?”

One-upping: “That’s nothing; wait’ll you hear what happened to me.”

Educating: “This could turn into a very positive experience for you if you just … ”

Consoling: “It wasn’t your fault; you did the best you could.”

Story-telling: “That reminds me of the time … ”

Shutting down: “Cheer up. Don’t feel so bad.”

Sympathizing: “Oh, you poor thing … ”

Interrogating: “When did this begin?”

Explaining: “I would have called but … ”

Correcting: “That’s not how it happened.”

NVC Needs Inventory

If you allow yourself to have needs, consider this list from Nonviolent Communication.

A public version you can copy and edit is on Coggle.

Another list
Needs Inventory

My Current Recommendations

Take what you can use, and apply it. I love this set of lists here.

I feel the core of path is kindness, kindness, kindness, kindness.

The tradition I follow most closely is Thai Forest Buddhism. I’m into jhanas bramaviharas, and self-compassion. I also do somatic stuff.

The one book I’d recommend without reservation or context is Kindfulness, by Ajahn Brahm.

Ajahn Brahm is the abbot of Bodhinyana monastery and is featured in videos recorded by the Buddhist Society Western Australia. They practice Thai Forest Buddhism, which includes jhana and bramavihara work.

I’ve had previous experience with Zen. I don’t follow Zen because I feel it deviates too far from what Siddhārtha Gautama intended, 2500 years ago. Jhanas don’t get a lot of mention there, or the bramaviharas. Zen is an excellent path for those who just want to practice (zazen is just sitting) and not get caught up in books or texts.

I enjoy reading the root texts, which can be found here – a lot of which are the actual words of the Buddha. The Buddha had strong ideas about what would happen to the religion he founded, as described in the simile The Peg.

I have previous experience with Pragmatic Dharma. My feelings are, this enlightenment stuff, it all comes from this one guy (the Buddha), and anything outside of that waters it down. I get a lot of folxs aren’t into stuff like Karma or Reincarnation or Making Merit, you don’t have to be. Buddhism is meant to be a hands-on, limited faith tradition, with optional cool mystical things related to personal experience. There are meditations to see previous lives. I need to be honest here and say I came into this from pragmatic dharma – I got stream entry from reading both MCTB and TMI; however I recommend them in a very limited way now. I don’t actively recommend them anymore because they place too much emphasis on striving and not enough emphasis on ease, kindness, jhanas or bramaviharas. Pragmatic dharma is really good for those who struggle with trust – I know I did.

If you are into the pragmatic stuff, don’t let me stop you, my opinion is Theravada based on the core texts is closer to the truth. I know when I started I was in the group that was allergic to reading suttas and allergic to all the mystical stuff. My own blog entry would not have helped me :) That’s how this stuff goes.

Why the emphasis on jhana and bramaviharas anyway? Well, the short answer is, they are nibbana now. Nibbana means quenching, like a fire getting cold by pouring water on it. Learning a degree of mental mastery via concentration practices allows us to step out of conditions now. The Buddha was all about relieving suffering, right now.

The bramaviharas are mental states, cultivated sublimes: Loving Acceptance, Loving Action, Loving Connection, and Loving Celebration. They are love, love, love, wonderful places to be, free from suffering. Of course, you lose access sometimes, but via cultivation they become Home.

I’d recommend practicing with other people. Finding a local group really helped me, and I’m active on Meditation Mind, a pretty big Discord server. It’s lovely to have folxs to share the path with.

v1.10- Last edit 18-Oct-2021
© 2021. This work is licensed under a CC BY 4.0 license.

DBT - DEAR MAN

DBT - Guidelines for Objectives Effectiveness: Getting What You Want¹

Describe the situation.
Express your feelings.
Assert by asking or saying no.
Reinforce by describing a positive outcome.

Mindfully stay on the goal.
Appear confident.
Negotiate.

Describe

Calmly describe the situation using objective facts. Do not place blame.
Stay on topic.

~~“Spend less time on your phone!”~~
~~“Why are you on your phone all the time?”~~

“I see you are on your phone.”

~~“You need to do the dishes!”~~
~~“When are you going to do the dishes?”~~

“I noticed the dishes haven’t been done yet.”

Express

Feelings and opinions. Keep statements about how you feel.

~~“You are so easily distracted”~~
~~“You ignore me all the time!”~~

“I feel lonely when you spend so much time on your phone.”

~~“You always make me beg you do to the dishes.”~~

“I’m frustrated the dishes haven’t been done.”

Assert

Ask for what you want. Say no clearly. Others cannot read your mind.

“Please spend some time with me.”

"We’ve agreed that each of us does the dishes, every other meal.

Reinforce

Explain a positive outcome that happens if you get what you want.

"We can play a game together.

"When the dishes are done, we’ll both feel better.

Mindfully

Focus on your goal. Don’t get distracted.

Appear Confident

Use a confident tone of voice, make eye contact, an assertive posture.

Negotiate

Give to get, reduce the request, say no, but offer to do something else, focus on what would work.

This article is based on

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition.
Dr. Marsha Linehan.
Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 5 pg. 145
Amazon Affiliate Link ↩︎

DBT - Sleep Hygiene Protocol

DBT - Sleep Hygiene Protocol - Emotion Regulation Handout 20B.¹

When You Can’t Sleep, What to Do Instead of Ruminating

To Increase the Likelihood of Restfulness/Sleep

Develop and follow a consistent sleep schedule even on weekends. Go to bed and get up at the same times each day, and avoid anything longer than a 10-minute nap during the day.
Do not use your bed in the daytime for things like watching TV, talking on the phone, or reading.
Avoid caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, heavy meals, and exercise late in the day before going to sleep.
When prepared to sleep, turn off the light, and keep the room quiet and the temperature comfortable and relatively cool. Try an electric blanket if you are cold; putting your feet outside of the blanket or turning on a fan directed toward your bed if you are hot; or wearing a sleeping mask, using earplugs, or turning on a “white noise” machine if needed.
Give yourself half an hour to at most an hour to fall asleep. If it doesn’t work, evaluate whether you are calm, or anxious (even if only “background anxiety”), or ruminating.
Do not catastrophize. Remind yourself that you need rest, and aim for reverie (i.e., dreaminess) and resting your brain. Sell yourself on the idea that staying awake is not a catastrophe. Do not decide to give up on sleeping for the night and get up for the “day.”

If You Are Calm but Wide Awake

Get out of bed; go to another room and read a book or do some other activity that will not wake you up further. As you begin to get tired and/or sleepy, go back to bed.
Try a light snack (e.g., an apple).

If You Are Anxious or Ruminating

Use the cold water TIP skill. Get right back in bed and do the paced breathing TIP skill. (See Distress Tolerance Handout 6: TIP Skills: Changing Your Body Chemistry.) Remember, if you have any medical condition, get medical approval before using cold water.
Try the 9–0 meditation practice. Breathe in deeply and breathe out slowly, saying in your mind the number 9. On the next breath out, say 8; then say 7; and so on until you breathe out saying 0. Then start over, but this time start with 8 (instead of 9) as you breathe out, followed by 7, and so on until you reach 0. Next start with 6 as you breathe out, and so on to 0. Then start with 5, then with 4, and so on until you have gone all the way down to starting with 1. (If you get lost, start over with the last number you remember.) Continue until you fall asleep.
Focus on the bodily sensation of the rumination (rumination is often escape from difficult emotional sensations).
Reassure yourself that worries in the middle of the night are just “middle-of-the-night-thinking,” and that in the morning you will think and feel differently.
Read an emotionally engrossing novel for a few minutes until you feel somewhat tired. Then stop reading, close your eyes, and try to continue the novel in your head.
If rumination doesn’t stop, follow these guidelines: “If it’s solvable, solve it. If it is insolvable, go deep into the worry all the way to the “catastrophe”—the very worst outcome you can imagine—and then imagine coping ahead with the catastrophe. (See Emotion Regulation Handout 19: Build Mastery and Cope Ahead.)

If nothing else works, with eyes closed, listen to public radio (BBC, NPR , etc.) at low volume (use headphones if necessary). Public radio is a good choice for this, because there is little fluctuation in voice tone or volume.

v1.1 10-Mar-2022

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition.
Dr. Marsha Linehan.
Emotional Regulation Handout 20B pg. 259 ↩︎

DBT - Should I End This Relationship?

DBT - Ending Relationships - Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 13¹

Are you in crisis or distress?

These guidelines also work for groups. “Should I stay in this group?”

I’ve added some of my notes as footnotes, since I struggle to understand what Marsha means with some of these words.

Decide to end relationships in WISE MIND, never in emotion mind.

Destructive Relationships

Destroy or completely spoil these personal qualities

The relationship itself²
Your enjoyment of your body³
Felt safety, especially emotional⁴
Self-Compassion⁵ & Self-Image⁶
Self-Respect & Integrity⁷
Happiness⁸
Peace of Mind⁹
Your ability to care for the other person¹⁰

Interfering Relationships

Interfere with these parts of your life

Pursuing goals¹¹
Enjoyment¹²
Hobbies¹³
Relationships with others¹⁴
Welfare of others you love¹⁵

If a relationship is important and interfering, you can try Problem Solving to repair it.

Decide to end relationships in Wise Mind, never in emotion mind.
If the relationship is important and not destructive, and there is reason to hope it can be improved, try Problem Solving to repair a difficult relationship.
Cope Ahead to troubleshoot and practice ending the relationship ahead of time.
Be direct: Use the DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST interpersonal effectiveness skills.
Practice opposite action for love when you find you love the wrong person.
Practice safety first!
Before leaving a highly abusive or life-threatening relationship, call a local domestic violence hotline or the toll-free National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) for help with safety planning and a referral to a qualified professional. See also the International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies.

What is Codependency - Very Well Mind
Needs Inventory - Center for Nonviolent Communication

This article is based on:
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition.
Dr. Marsha Linehan.
Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 13 pg. 145 ↩︎
Healthy relating is: give and take, both sides practicing forgiveness, validation, change, and acceptance. ↩︎
This includes: physical abuse, sexual abuse, having space to yourself, a safe place to sleep, and food to eat. ↩︎
This includes emotional abuse such as: negation, projection, gaslighting, invalidation, name calling, and financial abuse. ↩︎
There are partners who will love you for who you are, not who they want you to be. Part of this journey is also giving yourself compassion. Someone who takes away your ability to like yourself is destructive. ↩︎
This includes your hobbies, choice of career, friends, and lifestyle. ↩︎
One of the goals of DBT is to arrive at a “A life worth living.” Not enduring, or putting up with stuff. The goal is to enjoy this. Part of self-esteem and self-integrity is self-respect. Starting to understand who you are (or at least who you want to be), working towards that, and having people in your life who can support you. Anyone reading this has probably endured enough. ↩︎
Happiness as a felt experience in the body. The kind you might get walking in nature, being with a friend or family member, or doing something you enjoy. ↩︎
You have a right to a relationship without drama, where you can sleep at night, have reasonable expectations what they might do. ↩︎
This is related to attachment theory. Hopefully the person you are caring for is open to you trying to care for them – this includes their willingness to get help, treatment, and therapy. ↩︎
It’s OK to have your own goals. It’s hard to acknowledge that a goal you want may not be a goal someone else wants for you. If this conflict is strong enough, the relationship should be ended. ↩︎
You are allowed to exist and take up space. You don’t need to save everyone. You can have hobbies, and be idle. You can smell the flowers, but you need to give yourself the space to do that. Co-dependency goes here. ↩︎
You are allowed to have things you enjoy, even if others aren’t interested. Your hobbies and interests can be as random and niche as you’d like. What would you like doing? ↩︎
You are allowed your own friends. ↩︎
As found family becomes more common, it’s important to find people who are also OK with your found family and friends. ↩︎

Dissociation Treatment Targets

This is the minimum set of skills necessary to downregulate dissociation. These are found on page 146 of Christine Forner’s book.

Phase One

Learning how to ground and uses grounding techniques
Learning emotional safety skills
Practicing Internal Communication between parts
Practicing Regulating Fear
- Insight into when being scared happens (when dissociation is possible)
- Getting out of the fear response
- Understand the difference between the past and present in regard to the fear response
Feel feelings without dissociation
Emote feelings without dissociation
Distinguish between procedurally learned experiences and new experiences
Able to take a mental pause
Basic empathy
Basic self attunement

References

Dissociation, Mindfulness, and Creative Meditations: Trauma-Informed Practices to Facilitate Growth - Christine C. Forner
Dissociation FAQ - International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation
Guidelines for Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder in Adults (2011) - International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation
Understanding Integration - Sidran Institute
Dissociative Experiences Scale - II (DES-II) - For printing and laminating
Dissociative Experiences Scale - II (DES-II) - Online version
Integration Measure (IM) - For printing, borrowed from M. Rose Barlow’s Thesis.

v1.3
Last Edit: 24-June-2022
redirect: sitwithariadne.com/dissociation-treatment-targets
redirect: sitwithariadne.com/des-ii
redirect: sitwithariadne.com/im

How I Pronounce My Name

How to Pronounce Ariadne, by Ariadne. (YouTube Link)

An American pronunciation for my name is four syllables, these set of sounds:

Are - Are you going?
Reee -- Look in the reeds.
Odd -- Even and odd numbers.

Knee -- I took an arrow to the knee.

are-ee-Odd-knee.

Emphasis on the third syllable.

The Narcissist's Prayer

The Narcissist prayer works by gaslighting, or overwriting someone else’s reality. Two people believe different things – the Narcissist is very forceful about their version of events and when confronted becomes the victim.

That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

It’s worth committing to memory each line of the prayer to be aware of toxic micro-interactions.

That didn't happen.                   (1 - Negate)  
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.    (2 - Minimize)  
And if it was, that's not a big deal. (3 - Project)  
And if it is, that's not my fault.    (4 - That's How The World is)  
And if it was, I didn't mean it.      (5 - Claim Pure Intentions)  
And if I did, you deserved it.        (6 - DARVO)

Short Definition of Narcissism with Examples

The Nature Example - Two People, Two Childhoods

cw: child neglect, narcissism, NPD.

Quinn enjoys nature. Quinn spent a lot of time outside since early childhood. Quinn has easy access to the feelings nature gives them: peace, safety, comfort, connection. When Quinn was growing up, Quinn’s parents validated Quinn’s feelings often going on hiking and camping trips and repeatedly telling Quinn that Quinn’s feelings were important. Quinn’s parents weren’t really into camping or hiking, themselves, but they made time for Quinn to pursue their interests. Quinn has felt these feelings, clearly, for years and has a lot of practice. When someone says nature is stupid … Quinn’s internal feelings don’t change. Quinn understands, “This person hates nature, but that’s OK, it doesn’t change how I feel about it.”

Morgan hates nature. When asked why Morgan responds by mentioning a famous conservative YouTuber who hates the national parks system and promotes drilling in ANWR. Early in Morgan’s life, going to school they talked to other kids who got to go to parks and decided they wanted to go. When Morgan asked their parents, their parents became angry telling Morgan to go play videogames. Morgan asked one more time, but this time Morgan’s dad screamed at them to leave them alone. Morgan’s brain, trying to optimize for staying in the family and not being exiled now buries the desire under a new emotion, shame. Years have passed. Since shame is a deeply painful experience, when Morgan was exposed to the famous YouTuber they latched on immediately, with a ready made excuse why enjoying nature isn’t important or worth doing.

The core of narcissism is avoiding shame at all costs by trying to do what others value. Morgan is validated by the Famous YouTuber and is now part of a community which helps them avoid shame, by substituting it for anger. Human seek social validation … some us, like Quinn, get it unconditionally and others, like Morgan, get it with conditions attached. The greater the conditions attached, the more distant from ourselves we become, until our internal world looks more like a mask to be put on than a person.

In this example Quinn and Morgan have the same starting conditions, but very different kinds of validation.

(1) That Didn’t Happen - Negate

Quinn: You stepped on my foot.

Morgan: I didn’t.

Morgan learned early in life the easy way out is to invalidate people. Morgan was invalidated early and often, so now … they are doing what they’ve learned to others. Lying to Morgan is a better outcome then feeling shame.

Quinn (to themselves): Maybe I imagined it?

Quinn (to themselves): Maybe they didn’t notice.

(2) And If It Did, It Wasn’t That Bad - Minimize

Quinn: No, you did step on my foot.

Morgan: It looks fine.

Morgan doesn’t understand the problem. The foot looks fine. Morgan doesn’t have a strong sense of Quinn’s internal world, not really having one themselves. Minimizing what happened comes easily, and avoids shame.

Quinn (to themselves): This hurts, but maybe it’s not so bad?

Quinn (to themselves): Morgan is pretty confident I’m OK, I’ll be OK.

(3) And If It was, That’s Not a Big Deal - Project

Quinn: Um … it does hurt, it hurts a lot.

Morgan: It happens, people’s feet get stepped on all the time.

When Morgan was growing up, they heard this line used … a lot. Something would happen and Morgan’s parents would go “That’s how the world is.” No one in Morgan’s family took responsibility for things … now Morgan doesn’t.

Quinn (to themselves): (Still in pain) I guess this is OK.

(4) And if it is, that’s not my fault - That’s How The World is

Quinn: Morgan, this really hurts!

Morgan: It isn’t my fault, I’m clumsy.

At this point Quinn knows how this whole exchange is supposed to go. Morgan is supposed to validate Quinn’s intangible reality, harm has happened. How Morgan sees it is … this is how the world works. Morgan’s parents have told them they are clumsy hundreds of times. Morgan is just clumsy, there isn’t any changing this.

Quinn (to themselves): Why can’t Morgan just say they are sorry?

(5) And if it was, I didn’t mean it - Claim Pure Intentions

Quinn: I get it, you are clumsy. Are you sorry?

Morgan: I didn’t intend to step on you.

Morgan has admitted to being clumsy. Now the shame is going full-tilt, because Morgan has partly admitted to being involved and making a mistake. Morgan would rather not be friends, period, vs feel that level of shame. Morgan says since they didn’t mean to hurt Quinn, the harm doesn’t count.

Quinn (to themselves): … But you still hurt me. Please acknowledge you hurt me. Please acknowledge you care.

(6) And if I did, you deserved it - DARVO

Quinn: What? You stepped on me, say you are sorry.

Morgan: … You were in my way. Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Stop attacking me! Calm down.

This is the end of the script. From here it can repeat, but what it usually turns into is JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) as Quinn and Morgan go around endlessly trying to get the other to agree to how to see the event. Quinn wants validation, Morgan doesn’t want to feel shame.

Quinn (to themselves): Maybe I’m not being clear enough … Let me try again.

References

Dr. Ramani - YouTube
Dr. Ramani - Narcissistic relationships and the trap of the “almost win”
Dr. Ramani - What does it mean when a narcissist says “I love you”?
Narcissist Support
Darvo - Southpark

DBT Reality Acceptance Skills

This is a DBT Reality Acceptance flowchart. It uses the skills from Marsha Linehan's book

These skills are meant to be learned in a DBT skills class, or one-on-one with a therapist (DBT is an entire therapy modality); however, if you have access to neither, the materials are below to explain what each of the skills are.

The chart is meant to serve as a printable shorthand to help re-train behavior to ease day-to-day emotional turmoil.

DBT Reality Acceptance - LucidChart (Can be made into a PDF, printed, duplicated and modified CC-BY 4.0)

References

Reality Acceptance Skills - PDF (Starts at page 11)
Radical Acceptance - Tara Brock

redirect: sitwithariadne.com/dbt-reality-acceptance

v1.1 - Last edit 8-July-2024
This work is dedicated to the Public Domain via CC0 1.0

DBT Crisis Survival Skills

This is a DBT Crisis Survival and Distress Tolerance flowchart. It uses the skills from Marsha Linehan's book.

I made it for my fridge, because when I'm in crisis, I can't really remember anything.

These skills are meant to be learned in a DBT skills class, or one-on-one with a therapist (DBT is an entire therapy modality); however, if you have access to neither, the materials are below to explain what each of the skills are.

The chart is meant to serve as a printable shorthand in-crisis reminder to use skills vs making the crisis worse.

DBT Crisis Survival - LucidChart

Print as PDF or duplicate (needs free account), remix, and share via CC0 1.0

Here is a version of the chart as a template (a lot of the above skills don't work for me).

Template - DBT Crisis Survival - LucidChart

Print as PDF or duplicate (needs free account), remix, and share via CC0 - 1.0

References

DBT S kills Training Handouts and Worksheets (Book)

DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets (Crisis Survival PDFs)

redirect: sitwithariadne.com/dbt-crisis-survival-skills

v1.12 - Last edit 8-July-2024
This work dedicated to the Public Domain via CC0 1.0

Emotions

There are a lot of ways to organize and think about feelings, which are internal emotions without words or thoughts. I use a feelings wheel based on NVC (Non-violent Communication).

Two groups of six: needs being met, needs not being met.

Needs Met

Pride (Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem, Encouraged, Powerful)
Joy (Happy, Ecstatic, Excited, Grateful)
Intrigue (Engaged, Fascinated, Entranced, Energetic)
Trust (Assured, Hopeful, Secure, Confident)
Love (Affectionate, Adoration, Connected, Caring)
Peace (Content, Relaxed, Tranquil, Harmonious)

Needs Not Met

Anger (Frustrated, Annoyed, Envious, Mad)
Disgust (Averse, Apathetic, Repulsive, Contempt)
Fear (Insecure, Anxious, Vulnerable, Scared)
Surprise (Astonished, Distracted, Startled, Overwhelmed)
Sadness (Depressed, Pain & Hurt, Grief & Sorrow, Unhappy)
Shame (Awkward, Guilty, Embarrassed, Humiliation)

References

DBT Emotion Regulation Handouts
NVC Feelings Wheel
Permission to feel - Marc Brackett Ph.D
Test Your Emotional Intelligence (Berkley Greater Good)
NVC Needs Inventory

How to Pick a (Meditation) Teacher

This is a list of questions designed to invite reflection about what to look for in a teacher.

Has kindness, compassion, forgiveness, attunement, and understanding.

Do they seek to understand? Empathize? Validate? Forgive? Are they soothing? Do you feel safe around them? Do others? Are they friendly towards the world? Others?

On a path they teach, advocate and live.

A pastor at a church might advocate Christianity, a monk at a local temple might practice Zen, or someone on a YouTube channel might be a stoic. There is a path of practice and they are living their path.

Points towards behaviors leading towards changes.

We change by doing something different. That could be: inner-work, prayer, art, meditation, grounding, orienting, Radical Acceptance, school, therapy, being in nature, building a social network, etc. A teacher knows a variety of behaviors leading towards changes.

Admits, owns, and apologizes for their mistakes.

It’s easy to hide parts of ourselves, especially the unflattering parts like mistakes and failures. These parts are just additional chapters in the story though. A teacher desiring for our welfare can share these unflattering parts to help others avoid unnecessary hardship and to re-affirm their shared humanity.

The saying here is, “The Master has failed more than the apprentice has tried.”

Doesn’t transcend their own humanity.

Along the same lines as mistakes … wants, desires, and feelings are an integral part of our humanity. They point towards the deepest aspects of ourselves. The alternative to acknowledging our wants, desires and feelings is dissociation and aversion.

Acknowledges the dark side of themselves.

Mistakes, transcending humanity, and internal darkness all have one thing in common – duality. A teacher should have a practice to integrate, validate, manage and/or holistically accept these things.

Has emotions you’d want (happiness, contentment, balance).

Are they: Content? Balanced? Harmonious? Happy? Joyous? Equanimous?

Has a life you understand.

Does their life seem worth living? You don’t have to want to live their lifestyle but … can you agree with how they live? Can you see the merit in their lifestyle?

Is accessible.

How do you visit or talk to them? Do you have to pay each time?

Manages their conceit and hypocrisy.

If this person knows their stuff, when they share their knowledge, do they arouse emotions in others that aren’t helpful? (Like envy, disdain, resentment, etc.) Do they seem modest? Avoids arguments? Do they have reasonable claims you can believe? Do others? Do they claim to have a path, or the one true path? What do they consider wealth? How do they manage it?

Antigoals

Stuff you probably want to avoid

The Advaita Trap - Confusing the Absolute and the Relative
How to Identify Narcissists by their actions

v1.2 - Last edit 28-June-2021
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Written with StackEdit.

Foster's Mantras

i am allowed to want to feel and be safe.
i am allowed to be angry, express anger.
i am allowed to feel desire.
i am allowed to use coping mechanisms when i don’t have brighter tools available.
it’s hard to feel anger and hurt right now.
feeling angry is part of the human experience. everybody feels anger sometimes.
what can i do for myself in this moment?
peacefulness. love. ease. happiness. bliss.
i want to take care of you.
i don’t want you to suffer.
i care about you.

Easy Guide to Chakras

Crown - Experience of the divine and connection to the universe.

Brow - Awareness blends with intuition to reveal clarity.

Throat - Communication via inner truth.

Heart - Unconditional love for yourself and others.

Solar Plexus - Potential to change the world via wisdom, courage and power.

Sacral - Creativity leads to joy, spontaneity, sexuality, passion and freedom to follow desires.

Root - Safety via having necessities met: food, shelter, grounded in the body and connected to Earth.

(Guest Post) Transcend Or Dissociate

Foster: I usually just trade the word "transcend" for "dissociate" and the real message comes through pretty clearly.

Meditation via Orienting

This is a meditation method that works via a process known as orienting.

I go outside, someplace mostly quiet, just sit there, and look around. That's it.

Sometimes, I welcome gentle attention back into my body, to see what's going on, and if it's chaotic in there, I move my attention back out into the world and just ... keep looking around sensing for danger.

A lot of learned fear responses (read trauma) are reactions to things that aren't happening anymore.

This is meant to be a gentle practice, I go outside, find a place to sit and listening to the birds. When I notice myself in a thought, I gently move my attention either back to my body or just continue to look around and notice I'm safe.

v1.1 - Last edit 13-April-2021
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What kind of Meditation Did The Buddha Praise?

“And what kind of meditation did the Blessed One praise? Here, brahmin, quite secluded from sensual pleasures, secluded from unwholesome states, a bhikkhu enters upon and abides in the first jhāna…With the stilling of applied and sustained thought, he enters upon and abides in the second jhāna…With the fading away as well of rapture…he enters upon and abides in the third jhāna…With the abandoning of pleasure and pain…he enters upon and abides in the fourth jhāna…The Blessed One praised that kind of meditation.”

MN 108 - With Gopaka Moggallāna

Ideal Parents Chart -- Daniel Brown & David Elliott

I made a chart based on my targets for ideal parent meditations.

All credit goes to the Original Authors.

Link to the Google Doc (Likely more up-to-date and to remix)

ideal-parent-and-secure-attachment-chart.pdf

Built to go along with these meditation instructions.

Looks like this.

10 Fetter Model of Enlightenment

Theravada is based on the oldest extant texts of Buddhism. Fetters are mental processes that lead towards suffering.

Fetters are in grey.

Starting - Stream-seeker, looking for deliverance/salvation/freedom from suffering.

skeptical doubt (of path, the Buddha, the practice, the fruits, etc.)
rites and rituals (not understanding mechanics, why stuff works, engaging in practices that don’t relieve suffering)
belief or consequences from self-view (basic duality, belief in independent self, belief in a soul, ignorance about basic impersonal causality)

1st Path - Sottapana - Knows what the path is, on the path, using fruit of the path, understands all parts of identity are fair game. Has had a clean taste of arhatship, to show the path isn’t just possible, but inevitable.

First three fetters are removed.

2nd Path - Sakadagami - Understands that craving and aversion drive a lot of unwholesome behaviors – is working to remove them – has a lot of them already removed.

First three fetters removed, ill-will and sense-desire are greatly reduced.

ill-will (aversion based on not understanding impersonal causality)
sense-desire (craving based on not understanding impersonal causality)

3rd Path - Anagami - Does not experience ill-will, hatred, greed, aversion, craving, or sense-desire. Lives in the sublimes, exits to understand self-ignorance.

First five fetters removed.

desire for material rebirth (craving to be someone else, material existence, usually rich)
desire for immaterial rebirth (craving to be someplace else, immaterial existence, usually heaven)
restlessness (the urge towards doing vs being, inability to accept what is vs what could be)
conceit¹ (“I am this. I am better. I am worse. I am the same.”)
ignorance (any conditioned action from karma, any gap in full mental and bodily awareness)

4th path - Arhatship - All contents and processes of mind are known, centerless, free from suffering of any kind.

All ten fetters removed.

References (Other Models)

List of Ten Fetters - Sutta Pitaka
Models of the stages of awakening - Daniel Ingram
Nine Levels Of Increasing Embrace In Ego Development - Susanne R. Cook-Greuter
Seven Stages of Enlightenment - Thusness/PasserBy’s
Enlightenment - Culadasa
Ten Bhumi Model - Mahayana

v1.3 - Last edit 23-Apr-2022
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Conceit (and it’s antidote) is defined in SN 22.89 With Khemaka
I wrote a blog post on conceit. ↩︎

Mindfulness of Breath - MN 118 Anapanasati

Mindfulness of Breath is the path the Buddha took to reach his Enlightenment. It isn’t the only path, but it’s a popular one, because the breath is always with us.

Breath is triggering for some folx. If it doesn’t work for you, that’s OK. There are effective ways to meditate.

He presents his path in 16 steps, each step building on the previous one. They are:

Body group (Self-regulation and Scope)

Breathing in long, they discern, ‘I am breathing in long’; or breathing out long, they discern, ‘I am breathing out long.’
Or breathing in short, they discern, ‘I am breathing in short’; or breathing out short, they discern, ‘I am breathing out short.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in sensitive to the entire body.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out sensitive to the entire body.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in calming bodily fabrication.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out calming bodily fabrication.’

Mental Objects (Cultivation and Awareness)

They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in sensitive to rapture.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out sensitive to rapture.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in sensitive to pleasure.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out sensitive to pleasure.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in sensitive to mental fabrication.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out sensitive to mental fabrication.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in calming mental fabrication.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out calming mental fabrication.’

Mind (Container for Mental Objects)

They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in sensitive to the mind.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out sensitive to the mind.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in satisfying the mind.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out satisfying the mind.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in steadying the mind.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out steadying the mind.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in releasing the mind.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out releasing the mind.’

Dispassion Traits (Renunciation)

They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in focusing on inconstancy.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out focusing on inconstancy.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in focusing on dispassion [literally, fading].’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out focusing on dispassion.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in focusing on cessation.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out focusing on cessation.’
They train themselves, ‘I will breathe in focusing on relinquishment.’ They train themselves, ‘I will breathe out focusing on relinquishment.’

This is based on this Sutta
https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/MN/MN118.html

What is Mindfulness -- Christine Forner

I’m reading Dissociation, Mindfulness, and Creative Meditations.

This part is verbatim (page 2):

Mindfulness is an altered state of awareness and consciousness. It is a “thing,” it is a different way of being and it is as different as being awake than being asleep. The brain is different in a mindful state than ordinary consciousness; it is not just an act of the mind. […] Mindfulness is a grander brain task and is based on the maturity of the brain, not just an act of the mind.

I have reworded and remixed what follows as Mindfulness Targets.

Emotions that are felt (usually very):

Self Connection
Grounded
Calm
Insightful
Blissful
Wholeness
Self-Compassion & compassion for others

The body feels like it is:

Weighted
Solid
Comfortable
Home

Intuitive Knowledge of:

Feelings and what they are for
Feelings as aspects and an extension of being (there is anger not “I am angry”)

A sense of being:

Loved and loving
Safe and in control of ourselves and the environment
Balanced, stable and regulated
Full bodied, and embodied
Generous to ourselves and others
In a state of loveliness

A sense of being connected to:

Ourselves and others
Something greater than ourselves

Acting with:

Compassion
Self-care & care for others
Patience for ourselves and others
Non-judgement and awareness of the whole self

Redirect: http://www.sitwithariadne.com/what-is-mindfulness

v1.1 2-Apr-2022. Reprinted under Fair Use.

Guest Post: Valerie Talks about Wisdom Versus Knowledge

Valerie: So... this is what I like to call the Snow Shoveling Problem. This is an elaboration of what Ariadne was saying about not being able to conceptualize the path, or the wisdom of the suttas.

You have the experience (literally the wisdom) of having the cold deep set into your bones. Of coming inside and feeling a warm drink map out your insides. And of having the outer skin of your body be fully warmed up now, while the insides are still icy.

If you talk to someone who’s lived in Florida their whole life, and describe those experiences to them, they can be the smartest, most imaginative person in the world, but they’ll still only be able to construct a mental model of the experience. You can’t transmit the body knowledge of the experience, the learned wisdom of it. They would have to have that experience themselves, to understand it. Knowledge (left brain, concepts, ideas, mental models) is incomplete, when it isn’t paired with wisdom (right brain, body knowledge, felt experience, emotions). And an incomplete understanding of an experience... is incomplete.

The suttas, and path, and awakening are like that. Many people, including myself when I started out, try to conceptualize what awakening is like. But it’s not simply a mental model, it’s not a concept, and it can’t be conveyed by concepts. It can only be experienced. Having stream entry gives you a basic body knowledge/wisdom of awakening, without which you can’t see the entirety of where the suttas point.

Trying to understand where the maps (suttas, descriptions) lead before doing the actual work of sitting and experiencing it is one of the traps that gets people caught in the dark night. I was there for a fair bit. It’s kind of like a... permanent existential crisis, the entirety of the world goes bleak and gray, even the things you thought were important cease to matter, and you have nothing to cling to.

The way around that, is by already having a strong practice, focused on jhana work.

Low Or No Spoon Meditation

This is a trauma-aware low spoon meditation designed for folx who struggle with meditation.

A goal of these instructions are first, do no harm.

Our lives are already hard. Meditation can make living easier, via practicing kindness and gentleness.

If in doubt, kind it out.

(If anything causes stress or thought spirals, don’t do it!)

How much time?

I would set a timer for a low (what I think as trivial) amount of time. Sometimes I glance at my phone, or ask Alexa to set a timer for me. Sometimes I use a timer app. Sometimes I meditate until something (like if I’m standing in line, or waiting for something else to happen).

I have problems constantly checking the time, so I use a timer. Some folxs hate timers. Do whatever is kindest to yourself.

How do I sit?

I generally don’t worry about posture or what my eyes are doing. Sometimes I keep them open to stay grounded (sensations can become too much) or awake.

My base intentions

To stay in the same spot.
To let go of narration and thinking.

What makes meditation, meditation is learning another way of knowing, besides thinking. We are pretty used to thinking tho so … If you do these things, that’s ok. I say to myself:

“I moved, but that’s OK”

“I thought about something and that’s OK.”

“I want to do something else, but this is time I’m spending practicing kindness and that’s OK.”

"But don’t I have to do these things (remain absolutely still – never think) to meditate?"

Kindness towards our sensory universe is what we are practicing, it’s a cultivated skill, I don’t think we can get it all at once. Part of that is forgiveness, it’s OK to make mistakes, to learn, to grow.

But what if I’m not kind to myself?

That’s OK too. We are practicing.

We are practicing intending towards kindness. I feel it’s important to practice being nice to ourselves, and for these few moments, we want to lower our expectations, not raise them. A lot of folx expect a lot out of us, constantly, especially ourselves. Meditation is a place where we can really practice being gentle with ourselves.

I gently invite myself to relax.
I remind myself it doesn’t seem to help to expect anything.

What next?

I invite some awareness into my body. I view meditation as a pathway to cultivate self-compassion & self-awareness.

If I’m calm, or happy, or relaxed. I just … melt into those things. I don’t seek anything else out. I stop and enjoy what is there.

If I’m not in a good starting place (my internal world is chaotic, or noisy, or loud) I find a part of myself I can watch and relax into. These places are called anchors. Think of it like finding a window during a rainstorm to look outside. You are safe inside, looking out onto the rain.

Sometimes it’s the breath. I like to take nice slow breaths (it slows down thoughts).
Sometimes it’s the mind thinking things. I don’t stop the thoughts, I intend to just watch them, like rain.
Sometimes it’s body posture. I gently notice how I’m holding the body.
Sometimes it’s emotions. I don’t try to control them, just watch them unfold.
Sometimes it’s tingles or body sensations. I don’t try and control or even understand. Just watch.

If pleasant sensations (like calm, or happiness or relaxation) appear doing the above, I savor them, then I try and remember what I did to reach this pleasant state. The danger is thinking repeating the exact same steps works, every time. That’s what makes this practice, learning what works and what doesn’t with kindness.

A tremendous kindness we can give ourselves is … just knowing what’s going on inside ourselves. Judgement doesn’t seem to help, when I judge myself I say “that’s OK” and watch the judgement. Kindness heals judgement, not more judgement.

I wouldn’t push for force myself, kindness doesn’t arrive via force, we are not trying to overpower the mind.

I remind myself that if what I’m doing is making my meditation worse, I shouldn’t do it. I pick other things to do.

Mantras

When I find it’s too hard to observe, or I notice my thoughts are speeding up, I try and ground myself in a mantra, which is just an intention I repeat over and over again. One of my teachers said it’s like casting seeds, sometimes we may need to cast a lot of seeds, and that’s OK.

I never repeat a mantra I don’t agree with. I don’t want to lie to myself. Pick one (or a few):

May I enjoy spending time with myself.
May I enjoy practicing kindness with myself.
May I practice self-compassion.
May I let go of expectations.
May I judge myself less.
May I let go of perfectionism.
May I enjoy being vs doing.
May I forgive myself for not understanding.
May I forgive myself for not being able to forgive myself.
May I hate myself less.
May I learn to trust my own sensations.

Additional Mantras: Foster’s Mantras

Ending Early

Sometimes I end my meditations early, they are too hard. That’s OK too. I usually end a meditation early if I can tell it’s making me worse, faster. Sometimes afterwards I want to immediately meditate more, so … I’ll just repeat these instructions.

v1.4 - Last edit 8-July-2024
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Pet Meditation

How to Meditate with a Pet¹

I hope the reader is helped by these instructions and comes to no harm engaging in this guidance.

I feel meditation at it’s core is about engagement, awareness, kindness, and presence. I’ve experienced benefit practicing with my cat this set of instructions.

This was once written with my cat in mind but any pet should work. The instructions assume both you and the pet are OK with touch.

I’d ask, If at any point, emotions come up which are difficult, please stop and ask someone else for help. This blog sees a wide audience and difficult emotions I feel should be helped via others, not on our own.

Have a pet
Pet the pet
- Awareness & Sensations
  - While petting, focus on physical sensations (soft, cold, warm, tingly, etc.)
  - While petting, focus on emotions in the body (where they are, how they move and change, etc.)
  - While petting, focus on how the pet reacts to different types of pets
  - While petting, do thoughts arise?
  
  While doing this, it’s OK (and natural) for focus to move around onto different things, in that case, paying attention to why attention is shifting could be valuable.
- Cultivation of Bright States
  - Really enjoy the wholesome feelings that come up (concentration, affection, attachment, engagement, etc).
  - Imagine the pet’s internal state (reading the emotions of other beings - attunement, empathy).
- Presence
  - Feel into how to better pet the pet via awareness and cultivation (changing your method to fit the situation).
If the pet wants to leave, let the pet leave (respect non-harm).
It’s OK to call the pet back to you (cultivating connectedness).
If your mind wanders, return to step 2 (cultivating awareness, presence, and bright states).

You can pet the pet however long you like, and whenever you like, so long at the pet is willing. This is why many people own pets.

redirect: sitwithariadne.com/pet-meditation
v1.5 - Last edit 19-Jan-2023
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This used to be titled “Kitty Meditation”, but I edited it to be pet agnostic. ↩︎

Tabs

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RO-DBT

SEEKING/Expectancy

RAGE/Anger

FEAR/Anxiety

LUST/Sexuality

CARE/Nurturance

PANIC/Separation

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Additional Resources

Bramaviharas

Jhanas

Trauma Aware

Self Compassion

Elder Texts

DBT - Guidelines for Objectives Effectiveness: Getting What You Want1

Describe

Express

Assert

Reinforce

Mindfully

Appear Confident

Negotiate

DBT - Sleep Hygiene Protocol - Emotion Regulation Handout 20B.1

To Increase the Likelihood of Restfulness/Sleep

If You Are Calm but Wide Awake

If You Are Anxious or Ruminating

DBT - Ending Relationships - Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 131

Destructive Relationships

Interfering Relationships

More Articles

Phase One

References

Short Definition of Narcissism with Examples

(1) That Didn’t Happen - Negate

(2) And If It Did, It Wasn’t That Bad - Minimize

(3) And If It was, That’s Not a Big Deal - Project

(4) And if it is, that’s not my fault - That’s How The World is

(5) And if it was, I didn’t mean it - Claim Pure Intentions

(6) And if I did, you deserved it - DARVO

References

References

References

References

Has kindness, compassion, forgiveness, attunement, and understanding.

On a path they teach, advocate and live.

Points towards behaviors leading towards changes.

Admits, owns, and apologizes for their mistakes.

Doesn’t transcend their own humanity.

Acknowledges the dark side of themselves.

Has emotions you’d want (happiness, contentment, balance).

Has a life you understand.

Is accessible.

Manages their conceit and hypocrisy.

Antigoals

Stuff you probably want to avoid

References (Other Models)

Body group (Self-regulation and Scope)

Mental Objects (Cultivation and Awareness)

Mind (Container for Mental Objects)

A goal of these instructions are first, do no harm.

How much time?

How do I sit?

But what if I’m not kind to myself?

Mantras

Ending Early

How to Meditate with a Pet1

DBT - Guidelines for Objectives Effectiveness: Getting What You Want¹

DBT - Sleep Hygiene Protocol - Emotion Regulation Handout 20B.¹

DBT - Ending Relationships - Interpersonal Effectiveness Handout 13¹

How to Meditate with a Pet¹