One of the upper fetters is conceit. I’ve been looking for a formal definition of conceit so I could start practicing with it.
I was watching a talk from Ajahn Brahm about MN20 - The Removal of Distracting Thoughts and … there is a place he defined conceit.
Conceit
- I am better
- I am worse
- I am the same
I’ve started working with conceit directly using a mantra to the opposite:
“Not better, not worse, not the same.”
Not Better
Sometimes I get a strong effectual feeling.
Maybe I have a meditation go well, or I give really solid help to someone. Maybe I’m comparing my situation to someone else. From this position I am in a desirous place.
Conceit arises. I am better!
I’ve been practicing telling myself,
“Where I am and how my life goes is tied to my circumstances and intentions.”
“Where this other person is and how their life goes is tied to their circumstances and their intentions.”
I allow myself gratitude – for my circumstances, and for my intentions. I send others in a less desirous place metta, vs contempt or scorn for “not knowing better.” I avoid blaming others for their circumstances or intentions.
Not Worse
Some circumstances are clearly desirous (friends, family, health, genetics) and many do not have desirous circumstances.
Conceit arises. I am worse!
I allow myself sadness and grief – for my circumstances. I send myself metta vs contempt or scorn for “not knowing better.” I avoid blaming myself for my circumstances or intentions.
Not the Same
Parts of my experience are similar to others. Maybe I hear someone relate a part of their life then feel “Oh, I have the answer to this, because I’ve experienced something similar.”
I’ve been practicing telling myself, “I am similar but not the same. I don’t know this person’s circumstances unless they tell me. I must be careful of my projections onto them.”