These are questions I've written to invite reflection into what values I consider when picking my teachers.

My personal emphasis is peace and non-harm.

Are they in a cult?

  • How easy is it to join and leave the teacher (or practice?)
  • Check online ... does it appear safe?

Has kindness, compassion, forgiveness, attunement, and understanding

  • Do they seek to understand?
  • Empathize?
  • Validate?
  • Forgive?
  • Are they soothing?
  • Do you feel safe around them?
  • Do others?
  • Are they friendly towards the world?
  • Others?
  • Do they cause conflict, if so, why?

On a path they teach, advocate and live

Clergy at a church might advocate Christianity, a monastic at a local temple might practice Zen, or someone on a YouTube channel might be a stoic. There is a path of practice and they are living their path.

  • How many hours a day is this person practicing their path?
  • Is it a few minutes, a few hours, the whole day?
  • In their sleep?

Points towards behaviors leading towards changes

When our behaviors change, we change. Examples of behaviors:

  • Inner-work
  • Prayer
  • Art
  • Meditation
  • Grounding
  • Orienting
  • School
  • Therapy
  • Group therapy
  • Being in nature
  • Visiting a garden
  • Building a social network
  • Etc.

A teacher knows a variety of behaviors leading towards change.

Helps you practice the behaviors leading towards change

Let's say you follow a meditation teacher. Do their instructions make meditation:

  • Easier or harder?
  • More or less enjoyable?
  • Do you feel better or worse after practice?

Admits, owns, and apologizes for their mistakes

Common humanity means we all do things others don't like, or make mistakes.

The healthy thing is to acknowledge the mistake, acknowledge the harm, apologize, and make amends.

  • Do they hide their mistakes?
  • Do they encourage others to hide mistakes?
  • Do they claim perfection (no mistakes?)

Be especially wary of teachers who make no mistakes or strive to appear outwardly perfect.

Doesn't transcend their own humanity

Along the same lines as mistakes ... common humanity includes: wants, desires, and feelings ... including wants, desires, and feelings we may not want.

  • How do they handle anger?
  • How do they handle people they don't like?
  • How do they handle difficulty in their communities?

Acknowledges the dark side of themselves

Among the things we have, but usually don't want: ignorance, hatred, and greed.

  • Do they acknowledge their darkness?
  • Do they care for it?
  • Does it seem to work?
  • Do they seem to be improving over time?

Has emotions you'd want (happiness, contentment, balance)

This person should have emotions and experiences you want.

Are they:

  • Content?
  • Balanced?
  • Harmonious?
  • Happy?
  • Joyous?
  • Peaceful?

Also ask:

  • Is this the happiest person you've seen?
  • Do they look miserable?
  • Do they have despair?
  • How do they manage their difficult emotions?
  • Do they seem to be faking it?

Has a life you understand

Does their life seem worth living?

You don't have to want to live their lifestyle but ... can you agree with how they live? Can you see the merit in their lifestyle?

Accessible

  • How do you visit or talk to them?
  • Do you have to pay each time?
  • Can you ask questions?

Manages their conceit and hypocrisy

If this person knows their stuff, when they share their knowledge, do they arouse emotions in others that aren't helpful?

Unhelpful emotions to arouse in others:

  • Envy
  • Disdain
  • Resentment
  • Hatred

How do they approach how others could view them?

  • Can they be modest?
  • Avoids arguments?
  • Are their claims reasonable?
  • What do they consider wealth?
  • How do they manage it?

Antigoals

Stuff I avoid

The Advaita Trap - Confusing the Absolute and the Relative

v1.12 - Last edit 16-May-2025

This work dedicated to the Public Domain via CC0 1.0